Dog Day Diaries 1: Introducing Me, by Ted


I am Ted – apparently a ‘golden doodle’, but really! Who would want to be called that? Sounds more like a mishap in the sunshine to me!

No, I see myself more as a unique example of magnificent dog-kind and I much prefer my given name -Ted (even if I don’t always answer to it – but then would you, if it meant you would have to pull yourself away from one of the most important smells you had ever smelled? I mean - come on – give me a little space to express myself here.)

The family I live with are pretty ok mostly, although, I have to admit it’s a full time job getting them to behave and take all their responsibilities to me seriously. I call them Two-ers because, for some reason I can’t fathom, they only use two of their legs to run about on – they let the other two dangle all over the place. Crazy, I know. I suppose the danglers come in handy for pats and organising my meals but I feel they could be a bit more imaginative and also use them to rush around more effectively - like me. But, each to his own, I suppose.

Anyway, more about ME- right from my puppiest days I have found water irresistible. My personal go-to choice is for the most clingy and odour-rich I can find. There is nothing – absolutely nothing, as grand as becoming a dark dog covered in pond bottom slime – just the fragrance of the thing!! Of course, I have to admit, this may be why I am living with family number 3 now.

I’ll give you a little flavour of my origin story:

Family number one had barely got to know me when they upped and went to Australia – I was not consulted but I was most definitely insulted – how rude – abandoned at so formative a point – I had hardly even got going!! However, I was passed along to some of their friends who did like me, I think, but they didn’t have time for me and left me alone in the garden ALL DAY! I have a certain amount of self-sufficiency and took up philosophy – which I still practise – but twelve hours a day is a bit of an ask for a thoughtful soul!

Then, one day I was sitting by the canal when these two women came along and asked what I was – they thought I looked iconic, (which I so did – philosophically speaking, of course). Anyway, they said how funny, as they’d just been thinking of getting another dog – maybe a golden doodle. They were told I was available and off I went for a sleep-over to see how I got on with their two dogs. I whispered a few words of my philosophy of laid-back-itude to their two and we were all pals from the get-go! What a twist of fate!

Ok, now more of me and my passions which are expressly designed for me to enjoy myself in the moment and contemplate the physicality of life.

I love to get up a bit of speed when I’m out and about, then suddenly, just when it’s least expected, I crash down on my right shoulder, slide along the grass on my side and then onto my back. Give it a go – it is glorious! There’s guaranteed forward progress and very effective scratching over a large area which saves a lot of personal effort. You could call it a study in time and motion!

In summer it can give me a bit of a greenish tinge which I think is very chic but in winter it is even better, as the surface is often wet and I come home deliciously decorated. Sadly, the Two-ers don’t seem to appreciate my diligence any more than my mud dunking habits and I’m often washed down before I can really enjoy the full flavour of my efforts. But hey ho, I’m an optimist by profession and remain passionate about my work in spite of all the disappointments and setbacks. I thoroughly recommend it as a way of life – just slide along in a forward direction and don’t be daunted!

Oh oh, have to go! Breakfast calls – cheerio.

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