Dog Day Diaries 4:Togetherness

Ted: It’s always the same, I find with you, smallness – I let you have a little bit of space and before I know it, you’re there -ALL THE TIME!

This was supposed to be my big moment to tell my public all the great conclusions I’ve come to over the years and now here you are, bouncing about all over the place and distracting me.

Bridie: Ohh Teedd – don’t be like that – you know you like me and love the way I make everything such fun! You can’t be thinking thunks the whole time. Anyway, I think I inspire you – I believe I am your muse!

Ted: Hmm – I definitely remember thinking lots of thunks before you exploded into my life – and what about my tail, eh?

Bridie: C’mon – what’s a bit of tail chase between pals – surely it saves you from running round in circles which would be far worse for your thunks? Anyway, let’s concentrate on our really fun times where, I may say, very clever tactics have been developed by you, to outsmart me! Don’t think I haven’t noticed.

Ted: Me? Surely not? I don’t know what you mean.

Bridie: I’m referring to the tennis-ball-garden game. You know, the one where you are A Very Sly Dog!

Ted: Ohh, that! Ok – well let me describe it in Zed of Ted terms.

1) If there’s something you want that someone else has got and you want it very badly (and it’s probably yours anyway), but they’re your friend, so you can’t just grab it:-

You have to use a clever tactic.

2) So, you have to think of something they want or like, to trade them for the thing that you want.

3) So, you offer them the thing that they want so they don’t want the thing that you want anymore. Then they get the thing that they want and leave the thing that they thought they wanted – but not as much as the thing they want now and so you can have the thing you wanted all the time.

That’s it in a nutshell, I think. Obviously a great tactic to get what you want and keep your friend.

Bridie: I’m not too sure that’s very clear – tell them about the tennis-ball-garden game.

Ted: Eh – well, I think I’ve done my bit here. Maybe you should take over now. I need to do more snooz.. er.. thinking, preferably on the rug – I call it rug-muddling – I get some of my best thoughts like that.

Bridie: Ok, I’ll join you in a min, though personally I prefer sofa-snugthinking.

Anyway, the worked example, i.e. The Zed of Ted in action:

1) Get a Two-er to throw a tennis ball down the garden.

2) Go off in speedy pursuit

3) If I get to it first – I run round all over the place and won’t be caught by Ted.

4) Ted, the sly dog, then tumbles on to his side and slides about on the grass.

5) This means I can attack his ears (which I truly love). I don’t know why, but I just adore it – great mouthfuls of doodle hair to tug – exquisite!

6) Clearly I can’t have both ball and ear in my mouth at the same time – so I drop the ball to fully experience my attack.

7) Quick as a flash, my sneaky chum is up and scoops the ball into his mouth.

8) But being a kindly soul he often slides back down onto his back – so he has the ball and I have his ears. It’s very chummy but I wouldn’t exactly call it a trade.

Bridie: So there we have it – the tennis-ball-garden game, elevated by my friend Ted from sneaky trick to philosophical lifestyle guidance.

What do you think Ted?

Ted: ZZZZZzzzzz

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